Fair Business Practices - Posted by Cletus

Posted by Lee in Louisiana on October 11, 2006 at 22:24:58:

no text!

Fair Business Practices - Posted by Cletus

Posted by Cletus on October 10, 2006 at 09:39:08:

Fair Business Practices

I always liked the Fair as a kid. I had more fun at the County Fair throwing those live frogs into hollowed-out watermelons trying to win a stuffed frog then anything else I can remember in life. Well not exactly. After I gave my winnings to Reberthalynn Schlitzlips later one night was way funner. Cramped, but way funner.

Anyway, the point is, life is much funner at the Fair then at almost anything else in life. Certainly hanging out at the DMV waiting for a friend to drive by so you can borrow their car for your license test has it?s own rewards, but let?s face it, how many times in your life do you get behind the wheel for the first time, and with a government official scrutinizin to boot. So that fun?s gone. Cherry has left the building.

Anyway, I figured if I run my business like a Fair, everyone would win. Now, I know what you?re thinkin. You?re thinkin how much is ol? Cletus gonna charge me for those danged entry tickets. Welp, here?s the good part?I hope to make so much money off of you that I won?t need to use those pesky tickets.

Anyway, for me to go through all the trouble of printing those tickets up, then handin you one so you can hand it back to me so I can tear it in half and give half of it back to you while I put the other half in a shoe box makes about as much sense as my cat chasin his tail around the coffee table leg. So I?m just gonna use my business card with my name and number on both halves so I can hand you one so you can tear it in half and give half of it back to me with your name and number on it so I can put it in a shoe box. No charge. It?s almost a guaranteed win-win for at least one of us.

Anyway, you don?t go the Fair to get screwed out of money, unless your frog throwin skills are a little weak, you go there for the action. Ok, so the cotton candy is the real draw, but now that you can get the microwave kind that brings us back to the action. Pony rides, Pin the Tail on the Donkey, the Vomit Comet, all your favs you can?t do at home. Unless you own a donkey that likes to spin in circles a lot.

Anyway, back to business. If doin business with me will be a lot like goin to the Fair, I?m gonna hafta invest some of my profits in trinkets so I can give em away as prizes. And I?m not just talkin about door prizes here, either. Let?s face it, if I give you a door as a prize you?ll have to find somewhere to hang it, and then pay someone to hang it. That could get old after a while. I?m not real sure how that came to be so popular, but a lot of folks are doin it. I even heard a guy down at Cooters? Computers is givin away Windows, so maybe that?s the new trend. He wants a six pack upfront, so maybe I?ll just copy his business model. After all, I?m quite the entremanure myself.

Anyway, I can always use the doors and windows, so forget about those. I?m keeping em. But I?ll give you the microwave cotton candy, and we?ll call it even. It?s in the microwave. You?ll have to take that, too. They?re sort of inseparable right now, so don?t just go WTF? when you get em. Just enjoy what you can and watch out for any unpopped corn kernels from a subsequent attempt at a new snack recipe combo. Let?s just say it didn?t pan out and leave it at that.

Anyway, since a lot of folks run their businesses likes it?s the last day before a big meteor wipes out much of the known world, I should stick out like a pair of wingtips at a hoedown. No telling how big my business will grow with this new strategy. And in the future when folks refer to me as being intense, they won?t be lyin. Before long with my new Fair strategy I might really be in tents. After all, I maybe the first one in on that particular market, and my new guru book ?Two Tents for Investing? will become a classic. That seems fair to me.