And as for the husband part… It’s called the “mommy syndrome” (Dr. Phil term).
I was in his shoes relying on my wife for alot more than I should have. Now I’ve overcome all of my fears by doing. I was so scared to answer my phone when I first started out but I realized I was wasting my marketing dollars each time the phone would ring and I wouldn’t answer it and no message was left. Same thing with door knocking, dealing with buyers, agents, title companies, insurance companies, mortgage companies, loss mitigation, attorneys, my accountant, and so on. . . Now after having done it all and realizing it’s not as bad as I made myself believe it was, it’s almost like second nature and I find myself ENJOYING talking and meeting sellers!
Disinterested spouse. Is REI out of the question? - Posted by Nichole (IL)
Posted by Nichole (IL) on June 22, 2004 at 01:39:49:
While working at a CPA firm, I quickly realized that most of our wealthy clients and most of the firm’s partners owned investment properties of some kind or another. I was sickened when a new accountant fresh from college, 10 years my junior, purchased a vacation property that he planned to rent out when he wasn’t using it (I wasn’t sickened that he did it, but that I was so frickin’ foolish with money when I was his age, and I probably still am).
I sincerely want to dive into REI, both in Mobile homes (Lonnie Deals) and duplex/quad rentals, but my husband is only mildly interested, so it seems that it will never happen. I’m a stay at home mom to 2 kids (ages 3 and 7), my husband makes the money. I’ve purchased and read both of Lonnie’s books, as well as about 5 other books relative to REI/landlording, and DH just isn’t into reading, unless its a tech manual of some kind.
We are currently renting a townhouse (we are selling our house in Ohio to move to IL for a new job for DH, and are expecting about $4-5k after closing this week, and that is our only available cash), and I’d like to purchase a duplex, live in half, and rent out half. Then, rent out the other half when we are ready to buy a house for ourselves. He says he’s agreeable to that, but I’m not sure how serious he is. BUT, he wants to use the proceeds from the house sale to pay down credit cards, and stay in the rental as long as it takes to save up for a down payment (can you say FOREVER!!). I agree that the credit cards need to be paid off, but I don’t want to keep renting forever. Our prop. mgr. is also a realtor, and will release us from the 12-month lease if we use him as our buying agent.
Any advice for getting DH on board with REI (or, can I do it on my own??)? I’m sick of living paycheck to paycheck and I’m afraid that DH is too comfortable with the status quo to really be motivated to delve into REI.
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Posted by Kristine-CA on June 22, 2004 at 23:33:40:
Nichole: Don’t worry about the kid noise. I’m a homeschooling mom–there is often noise or interruptions and it’s never been a problem. But I’m not trying to come off as super-professional–just as someone who will listen to what the sellers have to say and someone that will try to help. Also, I make A LOT of calls in the car or at the cafe while I’m waiting for one of the kids to come out of an activity.
As for the un-interested spouse (isn’t dis-interested a neutral party–and we know he’s not that My man has totally gotten hooked on the deals and now does a lot of the errands and meetings (we work in a city 150 miles away). He was doing very well in his career but has found REI really interesting and, well, you can’t beat the money for the effort.
I think the harder issues are how to spend money on investments. I spent all my own money in the beginning–and borrowed funds if I needed to. In a marriage it’s more important that you be in agreement about how money gets spent. And now we have to have lots of discussions about how best to spend our investment funds. And we don’t always agree.
If the DH is happy with the paycheck-to-paycheck thing, then you are just going to have be an example of something else, something better. Keep reading and keep posting. Sincerely, Kristine
Disinterested spouse. Is REI out of the question? - Posted by Nichole (IL)
Posted by Nichole (IL) on June 22, 2004 at 16:49:50:
I suppose my issue is that any income was earned by my DH, so I feel I have to defer to him with regards to money decisions. He doesn’t keep me on a short leash or anything, but for the most part, I don’t have a feeling that it’s “my” money. I suppose that’s just an issue that I need to get over, since its more my problem than DH’s.
I think that we’ll dip our toes in slowly… find a duplex… and then grow from there. I don’t know much about flipping, but that seems like a possibility… We have 2 universities in our town which means lots of students to rent to, but there are also lots of RE investors. There are also a couple of corporations in town that provide potential job transferees (which is what we are… we just moved into town this past month and are currently renting a townhouse… we are closing on our Ohio house this week, but since we were there for less than a year, we are only getting about $4-5k after the sale. I guess its better than having to bring a check to closing to settle up!
I had the same problem with my wife. Not only was she not interested, she thought the whole idea was hogwash. After I brought home a check for 4800.00 off my first wholesale deal, she no longer thought it was hogwash. The best part was that since she didn’t want to help me or didn’t believe me that money was in RE, I wouldn’t accept any input from her as to how the proceeds would be spent. That motivated her. She now does a lot of work for our little business.
God Bless,
Brandon
Similar-ish boat here. My husband WANTS me to do some REI. He bought several courses over the last 2 years or so. Then a few months back I asked him what he was doing about it. He said it was “too much paperwork.” He said he would be willing to do all the talking, but not the paperwork involved. Being the detail-oriented person I am, I said I’d study the courses and then do all the necessary paperwork if he PROMISED to talk to everyone. (Attorney, notary, CPA, sellers, buyers.) He said he would do that. Well, I’ve been on him for weeks to find an attorney who is familiar with creative RE investing. Last week he said to me, “If I take Gage (son) to the park while Shaye (daughter) naps, that’d be a good time for you to call a lawyer.” HA! I reminded him of his promise, and he said, “But I don’t know what to ask. You know everything.” I said, “You just need to say that we are beginning RE investors and we are looking for an attorney who is familiar with creative investing. Someone to look over documents and advise us of any legal issues that might arise.”
Now, I’m excited and will probably do this without his help (and will tell people I did it alone when I am successful). My major concern at this point is being able to answer the phone and sound like a businesswoman with 2 small children (toddler and infant) in the house. My husband works retail (for his parents and next door to our house), and could do it when he has no customers, but he doesn’t want his parents or the other employees to hear him! (Why he made the promise to do all the talking is beyond me. He just wants me to solve all his problems.)
Any advice on how to answer the phone with kids is apppreciated. I don’t have anyone nearby who can babysit (my family lives more than an hour away and hubby’s family won’t watch the kids). My son has yet to learn not to interrupt when I am on the phone.
Sorry to not have answered your questions, but I think that, like me, you’ll have to learn to take the bull by the horns and do it without help.
Unfortunately apathy is one of the most difficult mindsets to overcome. If you try to explain to him what is going on with your financial life you will probably waste your time.
Since your hubby seems to be OK with living in a duplex, you have a place to start. Tell your realtor to find only duplex’s for you to look at. Since you are home, property management would be a little easier.
In the meantime, look into local clubs and join one. Research the different types of investing here on the boards and pick one that interests you.
You will need to jump in by yourself so I would suggest flipping first.
Flipping will allow you to gain some cash reserves to start your long term investing.
I have the same issue with apathy at home. At least he realizes the CC debt needs to be taken care of.
Bear in mind this is a long process. If you do succeed in changing your husbands views it will most likely take several wins and much frustration to get over the ?you can?t do that? attitude. I view it as training a puppy. Be consistent and positive no matter what happens.
Re: Disinterested spouse. - Posted by Nichole (IL)
Posted by Nichole (IL) on June 23, 2004 at 15:32:59:
Thanks… I wasn’t the one worried about the kid noise… I think that was someone else. My kids are certainly noisy, but we have three levels in the townhouse we’re renting, so I can certainly find a quiet spot (until they find me, at least!).
My issue is just getting my husband to take a more proactive role in REI. He says he wants to get started, but he’s not educating himself or researching the different aspects of REI, and doesn’t ACT interested except to listen to me when I talk about something I’ve read. I think I’m going to enroll in a local REI club (central IL), maybe find a good course relative to flipping or landlording, and perhaps approach my dad (Chicago burbs) to see if he’d be interested in partnering with me, at least for the first couple of transactions (maybe Dad would like REI! I know my Mom has always wanted to do rehabs…).
Thanks for the comments guys! I’ve mostly been a lurker, and its a little daunting to post such newbie questions here, but I’m glad to know that I can de-lurk whenever I have a question. Thanks bunches! Also, please view this thread (http://www.creonline.com/wwwboard/messages/36071.html) for a humorous DH story that precedes another “newbie” question about a $400 course recommendation. Thanks bunches!
Shannon:
I have 2 untamed savages 2 and 3 years old and can relate to the phone thing. Use a cell# for your REI and direct your calls to it. When it is calm you can answer it and take information. When it is wild just let it ring into voice mail and return the call when things settle down. Most will say that kids in the background will not hurt your business. I cant even hear the other end or even think when mine are in high gear. A truly motivated seller WILL! leave a message. They are the only ones you want to deal with anyway. Best of luck. James.
I wouldn’t worry about the kids. I have them around often when I receive and make calls. Most of the calls are to and from people I have been dealing with for sometime. They know and understand the work from home idea.
I have taken a four year old to look at and show properties. It can be a way to break the ice as someone has said earlier. Mostly I just smile and apologize for the sitter having cancelled and go from there.
Often I return calls more so than receive them so I can time the call around the atmosphere of the house.
I don’t have kids either. But every investors I’ve talked to who does says their kids IMPROVE their business, especially little ones who help break the ice with parents or grandparents when you’re meeting them at their house.
Besides, if you choose to work with motivated sellers, they are very unlikely to care if your son interrupts the call, as long as you can solve their problem.
Shannon,
I don’t have kids but you should not let the fear of a baby in the background keep you from working to improve your family’s future. Being a businesswoman is a mindset, not a matter of sitting in a corner office while wearing a power suit.
Can you plan your outgoing calls for while your son is napping? Can you accept that incoming calls may hear your kids in the background and that’s ok? Do you know that many of the people you will talk to have (or had) young children and know how it is?
“take the bull by the horns”–you said that, now do it!
Posted by Kristine-CA on June 23, 2004 at 20:30:01:
Sorry, didn’t mean to confuse with the posts below about children at home.
The issue of wanting someone to be a certain way, especially spouses, reminds me of that line in Bruce Almighty: Want a miracle? Be the miracle.
If you are pro-active in REI and “loving it”, he will be inspired to get on board, or at the very least, support you in it. There’s nothing so attractive like a woman doing what she loves…Kristine
My man has totally gotten hooked on the deals and now does a lot of the errands and meetings (we work in a city 150 miles away). He was doing very well in his career but has found REI really interesting and, well, you can’t beat the money for the effort.