Posted by Richard on January 31, 2005 at 10:11:20:
Do some deals on a parttime bases first that require little or no money so she can start to feel comfortable about what your doing and try not to share to much right now, go wholesale some junkers and get some checks coming in.just my opion,hope this helps
Coping with Negative feedback from relatives… - Posted by Massachusetts
Posted by Massachusetts on January 31, 2005 at 06:41:38:
Hello to anyone who’s taking the time to read my post. A while ago I purchased a real estate investor’s course. Currently, I’m reviewing the course and some day soon, implement what I’ve learned. A bit frustrated I am. A few months ago my wife and I had a baby and since then she’s been home. Our plan was for her NOT to return to work, but stay home with our baby - we are both VERY uncomfortable with the thought of placing “our baby” in daycare. We hoped to live off of my salary alone, but at this point it looks as though this isn’t going to work out and that she will have to return part-time and/or maybe I’ll have to pick up a part-time job somewhere. The dilemma I’m in. We’re preparing to better define both our short-term and long-term goals and with doing so, I shared with her my interest of REI - something she’s known I’ve had an interest in all along. Well, not that she’s not supportive to any goals, dreams, or ideas I may have, but the idea of REI doesn’t sit too well with her. As with so many other “conventional” thinkers out there, she believes that this type of business is too risky, requires lots of money, is basically a get-rich type of thing - she had seen me watch on many occasion the Carleton Sheets infomercial and doesn’t believe that this could be us. I shared with her some of my REI ideas as not approaching the business from a “rent and hold” point of view knowing that this can be very risky (at least initially) and I also shared with her methods as to how to acquire $$$$ through sources such as hard-money lenders. Ultimately, she likes (needs) stability. She had mentioned the idea of either one of us going back to college, getting a degree in something, and then getting a higher-paying, good “job”. I really don’t want to do this for a number of reasons. Our current economy/job market in Mass stinks. There are lots of college educated, experienced, but laid off, technology professionals flooding the pool. Not to mention the time it would take - 4 years at least PLUS working 40+ hrs/week with a newborn at home. I KNOW that REI is NOT a get-rich quick profession. And I KNOW that it takes lots of time and effort to become successful. But the trade-off, from what I’ve read, is quite incredible - more family time and hopefully a little more $$$$. I guess what I’m looking for is a little advice and support from some of you who’ve experienced this same thing. Again, my wife is supportive, and we love each other very much and I know there’s a compromise, i.e. both of us work part-time to make ends meet, while I give REI a try for a specified period of time.
Thanks.
Re: Coping with Negative feedback - Posted by Rob
Posted by Rob on February 02, 2005 at 09:34:55:
Something on the news last night made me remember this post! A decent guy (according to his friends) choked, punched, kicked and shouted at his boss for laying him off. He was layed off due to slow season at the factory. The layed off employee said “all a guy wants to do is just come to work and put in a hard days work and be rewarded with security.” He spent the night in jail and was sorry for his actions. Nothing in life is guranteed, but I at least want to call some of the shots.
Coping with Negative feedback from relatives… - Posted by Matt (Boston)
Posted by Matt (Boston) on February 01, 2005 at 21:07:15:
Hi Massachusetts,
I agree with the other posters. Try starting off part time. Ease her into things. Attend some local RE meetings (if you need to know where some are I can tell you). Go look at some houses together. She might enjoy that (unless there total dumps, then she might get turned off!).
One thing I found helpful… when I began investing my parents thought I was crazy. I got my RE License and they could understand that a little better, it appeared to be more of a stable “job” to them, they sort of got off my back. Maybe you could get your license ( maybe your wife too!) to make it seem more like a regular “career”. This seems like it may help her if she views it as something a little more stable. Then you could go out and focus on investing.
Where in MA are you??
If you want to talk more shoot me an email. Take out the nospam before yahoo.
–Matt–
Re: Coping with Negative feedback … - Posted by Russ Sims
Posted by Russ Sims on February 01, 2005 at 16:24:02:
Rather than convincing your wife why REI is a good endeavor for you, let her draw her own conclusion. Right now she’s under the mistaken belief that one gains security by getting a good education and then obtaining a good job.That’s a reasonable notion and we’ve all been taught it. But in truth you’re never secure as long as someone else has control of your income and your time. I don’t care how good your education is or how good your job is. You have someone else controlling how much you make and how hard you’ll have to work for it…Want a vacation? Lucky employees get maybe 3 weeks. Most get 2.When their two weeks comes they spend it trying to fulfill a year’s worth of ambitions. They can’t. But, hey, at least they get that check every two weeks! Yes, they do. A check that’s about half of what it should be because of the taxes that get taken out.
Ultimate security comes from controlling your own income. You decide how much you’ll make and how hard you’ll have to work for it. If you have a regular job, you may find hard work will result in a bigger paycheck. With REI, you’ll find that in order to make more, you work smarter, not harder. In fact, if you do this real estate thing right, the longer you’re in it the less you’ll have to work at it.
So, how best to change the mind set of your wife so that she can be the one to decide that REI is a good idea? Challenge her to read Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and then the followup book, Cash Flow Quadrant. These books will challenge her ideas about the formula of good education + good job = good income/security/retirement. Then, as someone else suggested, hook up with a local real estate investment club. The environment in those clubs is infectious as progressive ideas are exchanged. As she is exposed to these new ideas and concepts she will hopefully draw her own conclusions about the value of REI and why it should be a vital persuit for you both.
Russ
Re: Coping with Negative feedback - Posted by Rob
Posted by Rob on January 31, 2005 at 13:36:29:
First of all you definetly have to respect your wifes feelings. I’m not saying that you don’t, but I just had to start off with that. If she wants to go to college, I would encourage that. Education is something no one can take from you. You educate yourself purely because you want to be educated. Attending college will also have benefits such as GURANTEED student loans and health insurance. Also, a part time job will be easy to get on campus. Both my wife and I get paid to go to school, we are graduate students though. Still, you could hook up with the right professor and get paid to do undergraduate research (your expenses would be free while getting paid).
I do understand why your wife is afraid, because I used to feel the same way and at times still do. Most of us feel debt is an ugly thing and can be. But knowing how to use debt will make you rich. Trump and Bill Gates owe millions of dollars in loans and such. Trump got started with a $200,000 loan from his father.
One thing is for sure, people will always need a place to live and GOD is not creating anymore land. I would sit down and write down all of your objectives as it realtes to real estate investing. Sort of develop a business plan that you will share with your wife. She will after all be your business partner. Have your facts down in black and white.
The one thing that changed my life was when I realized the whole concept of OPM (other peoples money). My wife knew about this but I did not. We met an older couple that was selling a nice house in a historic area. The asking price was $75,000. My wife and I went to look at the house and I asked the couple how much they paid for it. They actually told me, it was $5,000. And to top it off, they purchased it with a credit card with interest only payments. They off course put some sweat equity into it, but when they where finished it was worth every bit of $75,000.
When you get those checks in the mail from Citifinancial or Household Finance or whoever telling you to just cash the check. Keep them, if you have enough of them you could buy a property all cash. You can do anything you want with a property if you pay all cash (refi-cash out whatever)since there will be no lien on the property (you own it free and clear). Save all of credit card advertisements you get. Some have a credit line up to $10,000.
Your wife believes in you obviously, you just have to try and make her feel as comfortable as possible. You can probably do that by putting a solid plan together including a projected cash flow statement for your new business.
There are risks to investing as you know, but would the alternative of spending the rest of your like making someone else rich be better. I’ve told my wife a few times that when the good Lord decides to take me away from here, the one thing everyone will remember about me is that I tried.
I hope this helps just a little.
Re: Coping with Negative feedback - Posted by Rob C.
Posted by Rob C. on January 31, 2005 at 13:11:41:
Try easing into the business first on a part-time basis. Get involved into something small and “safer” to make your wife feel better about this. Share information (maybe even stuff from this website) or let her read a few books on the topic so that it is not so scary to her. I would actually find the local REI Club in your area and take her to a few meetings…plus this is a good thing for you to do to get started in this business.
I think most of us can relate to friends and relatives who don’t understand what we want to do and think it is too risky. It is especially difficult when it is your significant other. I find that slow progress is the way to go. Find info and people who can show how powerful Real Estate can be if done with passion and focus.
You may not get your wife to feel comfortable over night. If it’s security that she wants to feel, then introduce her to all of the positive info out there. And then start small and you will win her over to your side.
I speak from experience!
Much Success!
Rob C. from Baltimore
Re: Coping with Negative relatives. - Posted by trapper
Posted by trapper on January 31, 2005 at 13:03:59:
When I told my parents about my first house I bought, they almost crapped. The second one I did, They thought I was nuts. The third one I did they said, just be carefull. Now I’m on my eigth one and they want to know if they can lend me any money at “X” percent… Now they think I’m just a little abinormal.
Re: Coping with Negative - Posted by arlanj
Posted by arlanj on January 31, 2005 at 11:16:04:
Stick to your guns. Find a fixerupper. Rehab it and sell it. When you make $5,000 to $15,000, you will have made up or get a good start at making up your wife’s wages. And your wife can be where she belongs, at home with that baby. You will never regret having that baby’s mom home. No matter what the sacrifice.
You only get one chance to personnaly raise your kids.